17/08/2025

I can’t lie, I could say I am fine, Molly is fine, as we all often do…even if we are trying only to convince ourselves. In truth today, for whatever reason, I couldn’t hide my sorrow, my sadness, my worry or the fact I am not sure how much more I can take. Seeing Molly was heartbreaking, its not as bad a it once got, but it still really hurts to see her mental illness in front of me.

Molly was seeking people out in church, invading their space telling them about her pain and I let her… I usually stay close, distract and manoeuvre her, today I sat and cried at the front of the church, I simply could not stop. I cried and said that “I don’t want ‘different’ anymore”, normally I embrace it but today I wanted it to disappear and leave us alone!

I did feel better after my outburst and was told I looked a hell of a lot better afterwards too. I find the indecisiveness, inability to manage the simplest things, do our usual life together without a pain or a behaviour or resistance being the most challenging. Molly’s repetitiveness revved up to its limit and her processing being compromised is all consuming and within all of this is my girl Molly who is visibly so mentally unwell.

This too shall pass… but when will it end?

Luv C x