Flat affect is when you feel emotions but show practically nothing visually.

I feel flat, I feel like I am moving in slow motion, conscious of everything but it’s all such an effort. I get it’s the longevity of Molly being unwell but I could scream for some reprieve for her and me!. I have felt under the weather recently too which doesn’t help and the winter darkness….well, actually if you are flat you are flat the season doesn’t matter.

Molly is coming off the venlafaxine, had an increase in lorazepam to treat the catatonia, the low mood will take time and her dosage will increase gradually. Realistically my expectations need to lower and hopefully she will come to my home at Christmas. (there’s a goal, it’s been a month since she was here and longer for a stay over).

Popped in on my way home to see Molly, she was in bed (5pm) not unusual as some days she doesn’t get up at all. She said she didn’t want me there… I waited to see if she changed her mind, she agreed for me to get her tea, she started to eat and said “I want you to go now” I respected her wishes and left. She is so mentally unwell, can almost see it in her eyes – her agitation and despair. I feel like throwing in the towel, I need patience and trust that the these news meds will bring her back.

It’s the hardest thing walking away and I should be used to it by now but I feel her pain and I hurt too.

Nothing left to say or do tonight, tomorrow is a new day it may be better, the same or worse but I will keep on keeping on….

Luv C x