So….I haven’t really known where to start just recently, every day brings either peace or a storm and in no particular order, expected or not expected. After a week of peace and progress I was blown away by the unexpected mood change in Molly, it frightened the life out of me literally. I am made of strong stuff but I am only human and of course we get distracted and unable to focus once again, hoping you can keep it all together and then being surprised by the fact that you can.
Signs of mania trigger flash backs and then thoughts spiral, panic sets in and in no time at all you are back in an impossible place. Raising concerns is a must and then you question “am I over reacting?” Could it be the reduced meds, the mix of patients, the fact she wants out, what oh what is the reasoning for this change? I feel helpless once again.
Meeting last week with commissioners indicated Molly has to be moved on…. but where? The house isn’t ready and I don’t want her to experience another unnecessary transition. Is there a possibility she will come home? Where are Adult social cares plans that should of been running along side mine?- if I hadn’t gone the self directed route what on earth would happen to Molly?
Over the past three weeks on Mondays and Tuesdays I have ploughed ahead finding a social housing landlord and a provider of care, things are moving and I could not have done this working full time so I feel relieved about that decision and happy to be moving in the right direction. I am tired and have had a worrying time but Mollys resilience inspires me to keep on keeping on. She is sitting beside me now as I write and more her self again. I truly believe that the way we react is influenced by and a reflection of the reality of our previous experiences. No-one wants to go back there…..no-one should have to.
Went to the house again this week, it’s a beautiful house and will help three young girls to live independently with support and I can’t wait for the day they can move in! Potential date for exchange week commencing 8th October – exciting…..
Mount View Wigton Road here we come……..
Perseverance is not giving up. It is persistence and tenacity, the effort required to do something and keep doing it till the end, even if it is hard.